The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
