She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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