You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
