just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
