I love black thongs
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
