she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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