not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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