I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
