cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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