She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
