i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
