Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i love accidental penises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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