I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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