I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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