I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
