there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
