Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
