Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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