She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
