if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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