Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
