sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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