mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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