i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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