That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
