he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
