I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
