anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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