Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
