True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
