Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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