Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
