I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did we literally take a cab across the street
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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