dude i'm inner monologue high
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
