I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
