No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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