Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
