11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My feet surprised me
Randomize
