that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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