What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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