Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
