Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
