Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
