i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
