i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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