When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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