i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
