I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
