good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
