I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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