I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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