I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
