A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
