i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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