she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
