im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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