You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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