I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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