someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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