were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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