I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
