By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
