I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
