he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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