Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
