Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
